Lord God I need a brainwash.
Because for so long I’ve believed a lie, and it has kept me dieing inside.
And outwardly most people think I’m a true worshipper and humble servant,
But how long O Lord have I tried to hide behind good works, and
The teaching of Your Word, and
Long prayers heard, and
By these very godly deeds I’ve tried to merit Your favor.

It’s absurd.
I’ve engaged in the practice of thinking I have a pure motive when I take repentance to be me
Trying to make up for my sin
And I know this sin is deeper than I realize,
Because my eyes have shifted from the glorious cross…to my own performance.

Thinking you only bless my life if I have been consistent in every kingdom discipline I know,
And I know You are holy and these practices are important,
But look how I’ve relied on these godly practices to keep me certain…You won’t condemn me
To keep me certain…You will protect me
To keep me certain I am certainly seen as righteous before Your eyes.

But the only certainty I’ve found in trying to justify my life by my earnest effort,
Is that sin abounds with a stronger grip in my life
And I slip thinking You’ve failed me when I give into sin,
And I leave each time with You feeling more condemned

What is the root of this mess?

Because I feel as though every kingdom discipline is a spinning plate I’ve placed on metal rods on a stage,
And as I set one plate into motion, another plate crashes on the other side of the stage.
And I run around worrying about my performance and perfection,
And each crash brings a fresh wave…of guilt.

Because I don’t study Your Word enough,
My prayer list seems longer than a mile,
I miss opportunities to share the gospel,
And forgiving my offenders sometimes takes me a while.

In fact, I can think of the grimiest, most foul sin I’ve committed,
And this was after I became a Christian,
And it wasn’t just once, but seasons of blatant disobedience.
This sin makes me cringe, and I tremble at the thought of it being exposed…

But this is what You’ve told me:
The greatest sin I’ve ever committed was partaking in killing the Lord of Hosts.

I was an active participant in hanging the only innocent One to live.
His nails are in my pocket and my very sin sent Him to the most grueling death ever experienced.
So the worst sin I thought I had done, is topped by my helping to murder God’s Son.

So if the cross of Christ shows me I’m even worse than I thought,
Then it also shows me that my sin has truly been forgiven by Christ’s finished work on the cross.
Because He has bought my forgiveness, the atonement for my sins.
He has declared me completely righteous before God because He’s substituted His perfect life for every single one of my sins:
Past, future, present.

Justification: my position of having Christ’s righteousness in God’s sight because of Christ’s atoning work on the cross,
Means I’m either declared fully forgiven…or not at all.

There’s no middle ground here, no gradual climbing the mountain of works to attain a position of perfection before God in order to gain His acceptance.
It is only trusting in the finished work of Jesus Christ on the cross that His righteousness is imputed into my life.
And as a result of His amazing work, He enters me into the process of being conformed
Into the image of His Son, called sanctification.

And as I’m being made righteous by God’s working within me,
I begin to see His beauty
And my life begins to reflect His character…

But here’s the problem:
I’ve become guilty of trying to make the process of my sanctification the grounds for justification.
Like I could contribute to justification,
Like I could smuggle character into His work of grace,
What a slap in the face of the One who already died
for my greed, jealousy, lust, and lies,
To set aside His grace by trying to achieve righteousness by my own works,
Which is basically saying that Christ died in vain.

It’s basically trying to achieve self-atonement,
Which really means I want to self-worship, bring glory to myself

But in light of Your holiness, Lord, and in light of my sin,
In light of what Christ has done on the cross, how He’s cleansed me within,
How can I even try to achieve Your forgiveness and acceptance by my obedience?

Salvation is by Your grace alone, through faith alone, in the finished work of Christ alone.
Lord, help me to not forget the gospel.
Don’t let me ever take my eyes off of the glorious wonder,
The place where Your grace abounded more than my sin,
Lord, keep my eyes on the cross.

That I may draw from the wells of Your salvation, not my performance.
And that I may experience continual joy in freedom from sin and
My Redeemer, please, free me from legalism.