I feel the tension Yes, I’m guessing something serious is here We walked on substance slippery, tucked in Egyptian cotton our comfort words so smooth to our ears But just then, awakened we heard a trumpet inferred that our lives were in danger strange this occurred when rumors of peace were spread in the streets Death? hard to believe war seemed so absurd… But foreboding masses were gathered against us The grey, grim reality that we were under attack Plus hooves smacked concrete cracked The fleet was here! We turned our backs and ran from that fiery cannon aimed straight at our hearts, but the earth shook and we fell hard still undertook to run with scars But the sky turned dark and all we could see were the streaks of steel two-edged sword slashing shining its reflection revealed where we hid we were no longer concealed no illusions no tricks No! Exposed, unclothed a sight to loathe guilty caught by our Foe for cosmic treason against the King He stepped up to meet us He was terrifying to see eyes like fire we shut ours in fear awaiting execution ready to hear a sharp blade run through our necks to rid us from the earth shocking what’s next ‘cuz instead we felt a river of warmth Was it raining? we looked opened our eyes the King was wounded bleeding from his side blood poured all on us like drops from the sky I couldn’t understand Was that my sword in his side? The warrior I could no longer recognize He looked weak He looked at me And we watched him drop down and die We began to cry and our bitter tears touched his blood still on our skin Here we wept and Here we saw the fiery One the King burst through the black horizon He was back! to shine bright light on us all and we were changed to be arches of color that paint the sky all nations tongues tribes A rainbow of praise to the Risen Son reflecting His rays By His blood Peace was won.

If you have an ear, then hear this truth: Good news from the Bible, and, baby, I got proof... So pay attention: You see, God is Creator, Lord, Holy, Pure And He intends for us to glorify Him love Him, treasure Him, He made us for Him, But like a stillborn baby, we’re born dead in our sin, From birth our hearts are filthy, The evidence: We do not obey Him, If you say you do obey, you lie in the face of God’s commandments, And we can’t blame…Dad, Mom, or anyone at all, No, our sin is our fault And since God is perfect, He put a price to our Fall He has to punish the sinner and the sin The punishment is Hell, His eternal anger we’ll live in But God in His love, wisdom, and grace, Sent a substitute to take our place Jesus Christ, God the Son, Became a man, Lived perfectly, unlike us But He didn’t just come to be a good teacher He came to die for our sins, So God could accept us, wicked, nasty, rebellious creatures Jesus Christ was murdered on a cross for sins to pay He shed His sinless blood so our sin-crud could be erased And three days later, He rose from His grave On our behalf, Jesus defeated death: God the Father was pleased with Christ’s sacrifice, So when Jesus rose from the dead, His claims were proven true, Like when Jesus had said, “I am the way, the truth, and the life, no one comes to the Father except through me,” and, “If the Son sets you free you will be free indeed,” So if you’re rich or poor, popular or outcast: In Jesus Christ, you can flee God’s wrath. You can’t work your way into heaven, Your sin has a much higher fee All you can do is repent and believe. That means: Turn from your sin and trust in Jesus the King, Cling to what He’s already done to bring you to God through the cross and resurrection, You see, He wants to clean your heart cuz’ it’s deceitful, And it will even trick you into thinking you’re cool with God Just cuz’ you go to church, or prayed a prayer before, but naw… If you believe you’re a believer, Then run to the Bible, God’s Word, Does your life match up with the book of 1 John? Are you changed by what you’ve heard? Do you love God and hate your sin, Or are you living the same since you’ve heard the gospel message? You can’t repent and believe Jesus on your own, You need God’s undeserved favor to do it, So cry out to God to save you, Then by His power live like He has changed you. He can save you from His wrath, Trust in Christ, You’ll be given life with Him that lasts… Forever and ever… And you’ll be able to call God your Dad. He never disappoints, no, He never fails, No matter how badly you’ve sinned, Christ can save you from Hell This is the gospel, in every language I’ll tell: Confess Jesus Christ as the Lord of your life, That means He calls the shots So bow your knee Don’t follow your heart, no, follow God! With the Word of God, check your pulse: are you really living? Life in Christ is the only life worth living, As one who has been washed, Cleaned by Christ’s blood, I plead with you: Repent for the glory of God Time is ticking like a clock Trust and follow Christ before your heartbeat stops.

If our idea of surrender to God is limited to renouncing unlawful things, Then we have yet to grasp surrender’s true meaning. It is not: “Surrender all to Christ, then you can get what you want—location, marriage, health, comfort, whatever it is for which you long.” It is: “Surrender all to Christ and very possibly not get what you want; very possibly lose all, but get all you need: knowing Christ. And He will be enough.” But I see what I want, sometimes more than I see You, even though You’re not far. My desires are not hidden from You, LORD, But make them hidden in You, in all that You are. So if You don’t grant me what I desire, My delight will still be in You. Because all I consider loss for the sake of knowing You. But I don’t say that with a consuming rush of gleeful emotion. I say it with trembling, and tears, Because the cost is so high, and the road so low, And my faith so small, and Your holy love so searing in my heart, And Your words so alive, It is overwhelming. “Here am I. Send me,” is not shouted, but stammered by my lips, The same You burn with hot coal to cleanse me, Isaiah 6’s depiction of painful, holy grace becomes my reality as Christ’s blood washes me From desires to not be like You, but to be You: Lord over my own life. I am not worthy to follow You, to speak Your name as though You were truly mine. So I pray You’d make me worthy of Your gospel. Not my works in exchange for Your favor, But humility before You who didn’t spare Your own Son, but were pleased to crush Him whom You loved So Your own humble, passionate love could be manifested, the glory of Your grace reflected in those You choose, who once hated You. You gave all. So You command all. It has been granted to me to believe in Christ AND to suffer for Him before I enter into His glory. May Your glory be the joy set before me as I endure this race, As my Savior’s face was set like flint to do Your will, Despising the shame, and enduring hostility from the hands of the sinners He came to save. So now I’m saved from the only part of You that I deserved to know. Instead of Your eternal wrath, I taste Your grace forevermore. Empty vanity surrounds me in a world of depravity, So the same conclusion I reach as that of Ecclesiastes: Everything is nothing compared to You, So You command nothing less of everything, be submitted to You. Thankfully, everything of worth is found in You.

I long for the day when I can say to your face, “I love you,” And know that in covenant we stand, Even as we walk, my hand in your hand… Knowing that time is all but sure, But seeking to serve the One who holds time in His hands, And taking the time He gives us to love… Not just with tongue, but building His kingdom with our hands like the woman in Proverbs 31 Me to submit to you, And you to love me as Christ loved the church I wait patiently in faith in the God who loved me first… Even before time He chose me to be, Blameless and holy, In love He chose me… And in the fullness of time He did more than just reach out His hand, But let my sin bang nails through His Son’s hands, To demonstrate His love, and complete His eternal plan… Then allow me to breathe 2,000 years later, Let me reach my hands toward all kinds of sin, (Since birth my natural inclination was to hate Him) Then He sent His Spirit right in time To awaken me from my sleep, Raise me from the dead, Allow my eyes to see, All that Jesus did…was for me. His Word gave life to me, it’s like He… Held my heart of stone in His hand and it became flesh, And began to beat to a chant saying, “Worthy is the Lamb, slain for my sins!” And I don’t totally understand, and could never fully explain His love even if I had time, But His plan, and His promise, is that time as we know it will end… And then the marriage feast of the Lamb and His Bride will commence… He’ll take His Bride’s hand and she’ll remember His sacrifice, His blood shed to purchase her, Oh, the words that He spoke to her that cleansed her within! The Church is Christ’s Bride, And she’ll be dressed in righteousness, clean and bright They’ll say, “Yes! She’s made herself ready!” But it will be He who presents her to Himself spotless, because He said He… Loves us to the end Is more than a best friend The Lover of our souls wrote us a love letter with His hand Pursues our hearts and then loves to be pursued, This is a Divine Romance. So, baby, I love you so much, But our love and union, Is a temporary covenant made to represent a timeless union that no human hand can ruin. I will fail you much more than once, And your love towards me won’t be perfect, BUT… We’ll be united as one to be further purged of impurities, And prepared for our perfect Bridegroom. So let’s be like the hands on a clock, When our flesh becomes one As if time could stop, When midnight comes Because at midnight the clock chimes with a beautiful sound that fills the house… And the hands of time are united for a moment, Only able to point upwards, To the God who sits forever enthroned in the glory of His splendor. Our marriage is only for a moment, May our union ‘til death point the world to Jesus Christ, That He may be glorified Our lives are not our own, through creation and atonement We exist to live and to know His Divine Romance.

1. Marvelous grace of our loving Lord, grace that exceeds our sin and our guilt! Yonder on Calvary's mount outpoured, there where the blood of the Lamb was spilt. Refrain: Grace, grace, God's grace, grace that will pardon and cleanse within; grace, grace, God's grace, grace that is greater than all our sin! 2. Sin and despair, like the sea waves cold, threaten the soul with infinite loss; grace that is greater, yes, grace untold, points to the refuge, the mighty cross. (Refrain)

You slipped through the seams of my scarf down my neck chest crept into my heart blew in from the endless sea came with the salty mist on which, with cracked lips, I would feed as I would peer into the dark blue and gray landscape standing on a massive jagged cliff day after day watching alone waiting for my Hope Once I thought I heard through your shrill whispers melodies a great throng joyful shouts and songs Oh, sweet memories you brought making my Hope seem but a dream and even white froth below kept watch of me mocking me saying, “Where is your Hope?” their certainties seemed sureties Had my Hope forgotten me? I tightened my scarf to recall that old warmth now so far from me when suddenly your bitter gust became rough pushed me so hard I felt compelled to jump into the wide open moaning mouth of the turbulent waters swallowed up just to escape your icy touch so you rushed through under around above me sweeping swiftly just to pick me up with your numbing clutch but gravity let my heavy heart win or lose I was unsure for I could not swim and I found myself engulfed unable to breathe calling in the deep waves and breakers over me when another song I’m certain I heard steady, sure words strong and gentle tune the voice of my Hope raised me up to burst through the turmoil underneath so you blew harder upon the sea trying to drown me but I was safe for wave after wave turned out to be grace upon grace over me therefore praise and more praise I will yet give to my Hope, my salvation, even when you slip through the seams of my scarf again

A year with no storms brought forth a crop different than the year before The fruit seemed healthy bright alive with color but once bitten into lacked nutrients, and its seeds were mysteriously missing And even the trees seemed stronger with thick trunks but their trunks when knocked upon sounded strangely hollow, their branches stretched wide but roots were skinnier less firmly gripping the drying soil less deeply pressed into the ground below And the pond was a deep blue, sparkling but shallower than before less fish found a home in its once transparent skin The grass was finally greener and upon it the flock grazed somehow unable to relate to those skinnier sheep in the other tempest-stricken pasture And the people, you see, had more than enough to eat their belt buckles were bursting holding back the fat of prosperity They were laughing happy at their feasts Their houses intact and hands un-calloused from that storm-less year… But a creeping weight sat upon their chests as they reclined at night causing them to sigh before falling asleep again.

We are sent through hallways and staircases (then ladders to window-sealed office spaces) as an ignorant, illiterate flock into the mouths of twisted, hungry wolves with shiny, pearly teeth Most of us not sheep, but goats with itching ears Graduate as wolves, proud to be a part of the pack Some of us wolves in sheep clothing Trained by the elders to teach seductive deception Very few of us feeble sheep, Prone to stray Foolish and weak Helpless, except Our Good Shepherd protects us, Laid His life down for His sheep To pick it up again, Will not allow us to be plucked From His mighty hand His Father chose us to be vessels by which He would confound the wise, strong, and things that are in this world That no flesh could boast in His presence To do this gave Him pleasure But we are killed all the day long And lined up for the slaughter Where is our Shepherd? To the right of His Father, sitting His work for us complete, but interceding, Waiting to return and gather our scattered bodies While we groan, We count it all joy to fellowship in our Shepherd’s sufferings Soon we will know The fullness of His joy, incomparable glory May we learn and trust You Whose Word, firmly fixed in the heavens, Is our praise, and depicts the greatest story: Jesus Christ, Pearl of immeasurable price Wisdom personified Grace and truth Forgive our world’s leaders and university teachers For they know not what they do.

Messiah or liar? Some say, “Time will tell,” But every page I turn in the Bible, The answer shouts out loud From Genesis 3:15 to Exodus 12, Eve’s victorious seed to the Passover Lamb of Israel The commander of the army of the Lord, that’s Joshua 5 He was worshipped see, in Judges 13, Peep, the Angel was Elohim And in the Psalms too, like Psalm 2, The Anointed One, God the Son, Who would cry out verse 1 in Psalm 22, Then resurrect from the dead: Psalm 16 verse 10 And look at His obedience in Psalm 40, then Psalm 41 He’s betrayed by His friend But He ascends victoriously setting the captives free In Psalm 68, then His exaltation is so bangin’, please read Psalm 110 Plus He’s the chief cornerstone in Psalm 118 Causing unbelievers to stumble, Yet establishing His church by His love amazing The Messiah, Anointed One, God the Son, Prince of Peace, Suffering Servant, (and I could go on too) Speak of the same One who is True: Jesus the Christ, John 5:39, and Luke 24:27 too Just encouraging you Old Testament text should rock you So keep studying, searching the meaning of His wounds Keep studying, searching the meaning of His wounds.

Psalm 73: I saw what the wicked had acquired in this life and almost stumbled, like How they have all their hearts’ desires, They look like they really have no troubles Waters of a full cup are drained from my eyes as they deny the Most High saying, “Well, how do you know He exists?” And when confronted with their sin: “Well, God understands.” Meanwhile the saints, really the filthiest of sinners solely saved by God’s grace through faith in Christ, They seem to be the ones chastised, like What are we doing praying? What are we doing fasting? What are we doing grieved over our sin like Psalm 51? We weep over our sin because it crucified our Savior, but to the rest of the world: man, that’s just dumb Why do we trust someone our eyes haven’t seen? Who are we to say there’s only one Way to God and His name has become a mere catchphrase…to most But for those chosen to follow Him down this narrow road, We fall on our faces prostrate at the reality of His holiness, And can’t stop speaking about how He’s both loving and just, BUT Doesn’t it seem like living for Him is in vain? When He’s taught as a mythical creature in classes, And The Game took Scripture out of its context and said he too was living for His name? And Kanye said he walked with Him like Christ is cool with our sin, and My country’s schizophrenic, crowded in churches after 9/11, then One week later packed back in the club cuz’ they don’t want God, They just want material blessings, protection, and Is this the same Jesus? Who said the world would hate me if they hated Him first? Who said no student is greater than his teacher? But that we would weep and mourn as the world rejoices in the very things that God hates? Is this Jesus the same… Holy One Isaiah prophesied about in chapter 53? Whose physique wouldn’t be to our standard of beauty? Who would be despised and rejected by men, acquainted with grief? Who would seemingly be stricken by God? Is that now how Isaiah said He would be esteemed? And while He was innocent and had all power in His hand, He closed His mouth as He was sacrificed for our sins like a spotless lamb. Being far from the heart of God, we placed our bet That Jesus was just another religious guy who deserved to get killed for whatever He did And today that’s how His followers are seen… As mystical misfits, wasting our lives because we flee from sin and rejoice in the truth And not the lies we used to be fed. But, man, it’s so sad… That many who say they believe will never see His face Because though they professed with their lips that He’s “Lord and Savior” Their lives never testified to any true, objective faith. Because out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks, And what comes out is hatred, lust, lies, greed. Even pride hides behind the mask of humility. “Well, God knows my heart.” But you must not have heard of Jeremiah 17…verse 9, That says our hearts are desperately wicked beyond what we can fix and God searches the heart and sees that there’s none that seek Him Well, just His hand, but not His face But what we see today is not new under the sun People still chase after the wind, hoping to catch some Like, “God, give us our way and then we’ll be cool, “As long as I can paint You the way that I want, Jesus, then You can be my homeboy… “But don’t give me that Romans 6, die to my own sinful desires stuff, “Let’s just party and stuff the truth under a rug, “Cuz’ if hell is where me and my friends are going, then I don’t want heaven.” But they must have missed it. People love darkness because the light of Christ exposes our junk But if we would just trust in what He’s done, We can experience true Life and true love. That’s why I plead with people ‘til I’m blue in the face, Telling them they need to trust in Him, to experience the freedom that even our ancestors couldn’t buy, The freedom not heavily advertised by Oprah and the New Age franchise, The FREEDOM FROM SIN that only the cross of Christ supplies… Cuz’ at the core center of “sin” is “I” But the gospel of self-help, the gospel of greed, the gospel of “Do you,” and the gospel of, “God = me” Are not the gospel at all. I can’t run from the truth because it has set me free, Now I submit my life to live dead to my wicked desires ‘til it’s His face I see. I mean, even in eternity we’ll blessing His name saying, “HOLY, HOLY, HOLY, is the Lamb of God who was slain,” Cuz’ it was my lies, my lust, my pride, that pinned Him up on those beams. It was God the Father who crushed His own blameless Son As though He had done all the evil that I’ve done All because He loved the world so much, That He provided a remedy for the sin sickness that has enslaved us: Turn from your sins and trust in God the Son. But if these are just words to you, and you don’t understand where I’m coming from, Please don’t take my word for it, Read Psalm 73, you’ll see: God is the gospel, Who do we have in heaven besides Him? And if that’s the case then let’s seek Him here. Though our flesh and our heart may fail, LORD, let this be our prayer.

You blow chills down my spine, As though a cool breeze lifted the green leaves attached to me, this vine, To expose the underside, intricately designed inside of me And I’m intrigued… So I suck up your water, feeling a sense of rushing release, You seem to quench my need So I let my roots run deep, and deeper they go So I grow, this vine, reaching out to you around you, all over you, until you are covered with me, or I filled with you You and I suddenly seem one But my roots stop when they reach a rocky spot beneath your foundation My supply of life running dry So I, this vine, tightly squeeze around you, hoping you will preserve me Because now my roots are drying, my green leaves withering And I am crying, “If only I had eyes to see! This beautiful building, so elaborately crafted, was decaying and unstable, crumbling apart underneath me!” That cool breeze came from the swinging to and fro as my object of affection was falling, taking me, this vine, down with it to burn, crushed underneath the smoky rubble of what once seemed a strong tower.

Lord Jesus I’ve been so disgusting Trusting in my own trust and Hiding sin Behind closed doors and Behind closed eyes A world of unrestrained violence abides within a multitude of lust, plus unforgive-ness, bitterness festers inside How dare I hold contempt for a sister you died for and I am swollen with pride wishing to cry and mourn over my idolatry but I’m too busy staring at all my glory and my kingdom, my majesty I’m sounding like Nebuchadnezzar in Daniel 4 so filled with empty wind forgetting You’re the Sovereign Master I was crafted for All this laughter and fun You see past as a mirage hiding this dry soul You’re able to humble me and I know ways You’ve done so before: letting me fall on my face sinning grievously while trying to minister these works I do, the papers, the poetry, the teaching You know what is done in true faith that aims to glorify You and when I’m reminded of that my heart trembles but my flesh rages, rumbles, thrashes, trying to capture as much hidden sin as I can Oh God deliver me, cuz I can’t please, I’m in the miry pit iniquities overwhelm me sins more than hair on my head Oh, the world and its lust seem so enticing I can’t seem to see past them Again, again I’m falling for it fantasies of revenge, sex, the reason the Pharisees could know who you were but couldn’t believe you: the praise of man Those who chase after other gods will find that all they relied upon brought them grief and sorrow made them hollow made them look like them: unable to speak unable to hear, see, breathe, unable to be, exist with true purpose and fulfillment I’m filled with excuses Jesus, please remove this cloud of doubt that You’ve made me free from sin this unbelief that You’re immeasurably worth it living worship daily praying, studying your Word and obeying a lie is in my hand and only Your Spirit has revealed it These deceitful lusts have entangled me and are making me loveless I’m hit! Arrow’s on fire and it has stricken my heart! I am on fire! Help me! Flaming with misdirected passion “Well, thank God you’re convicted.” Yes, but God please bring repentance, I want to experience Your salvation save this wretch and bring me joy in You again, Yes, joy in You again.

The LORD had closed her womb, He closed her womb He did not keep Hannah from unfulfilled desire distress and hurt He closed her womb. He ordained her pain on her way to worship on her way to worship Every year was the same: longing, no child watching, no mercy from her rival How could she eat? She wept bitterly How can You withhold from me my good desire my good desire… Her husband loved her couldn’t understand, wasn’t he enough? wasn’t he enough? worth more than ten sons? All your food and wine won’t fulfill me. She arose Come. She arose I have no portion in this life apart from You I have no need to hide my deep distress I come. She vowed a vow and said, Look on my affliction LORD of hosts Remember me, I am Your servant Don’t forget me I am Your servant If You’d grant me a son for I am Your servant I will give Him to You he will be Your servant Take, take this desire that runs strong in my veins this desire that hurts good desire unfulfilled this pain Take, take my longing and give it if You will and I will give it back in worship for my desire is Yours this too is for You She wouldn’t leave her Master’s presence Oh Hannah silent sister Eli saw you but you saw only your God you saw only your God My heart speaks but no sound comes from my mouth My lips move but no sound comes from my mouth My tears will worship You will interpret groans Eli took her as drunk but she honestly confessed her condition was much more overwhelming My spirit is distressed! I will honestly say where I am today Why should a plastic mask conceal my troubled soul my troubled soul I have been pouring out my soul before the LORD So here I am, with great anxiety and vexation pouring out my soul before the LORD Oh Hannah, silent sister broken open pouring out your soul Go in peace May the God of Israel grant what you seek May the God of Israel grant what you seek I am also your servant, servant of God, May I find favor in your eyes favor though man consider me despised I will arise when you strengthen me to stand and eat for Your joy fulfills me You are my portion with nothing yet from Your hand I will rejoice I will arise and worship Early, I will worship before You She returned And her husband knew her God remembered her Elkanah loved her God did not forget her I ordained that you would be grieved that you would want a good thing want a good thing And I would more increasingly be your everything your every good thing And I would be your portion your very good thing And you would run to me your joy your fulfillment And you would not be deceived to believe your hope was in a gift for your hope is in Me I ordained that you would worshipfully mourn and petition and see I hear your prayers and I am moved in My sovereignty I am moved and I remember you my servant, my servant I am your good thing She kept her vow and her faith was proved genuine she nursed her child and gave him back to the LORD He is the greatest good my joy and my son, my Samuel, will be His servant I have been heard by God and I am satisfied I am known by God and I am satisfied Samuel so young he was the LORD’s Hannah’s gift had come and he was the LORD’s No silence this time she came with a bull, flour, wine her Samuel she gave and the temple was filled with loud praise Eli worshipped Hannah prayed I must not Withhold this thanks I can’t for what you’ve given me has shown me who You are You’ve fulfilled me I overflow with joy not in the gift but in Your salvation yes, Your holiness perfect wisdom sovereignty omniscience Your compassion how You care for the lowly You know me Oh, You know me! I exalt in Your strength I worship You only! The LORD had closed her womb silenced her voice opened her heart and her hand He was her portion Oh Hannah, silent sister how you were heard and remembered by your Lord.

If I tape this leaf brown cracked fallen from this tree onto this paper, this scrap book, even if tucked behind a layer of plastic I will salvage this season for but one more before it crumbles and slips away gone like the feeling of home. So for now I break off a limb from this tree It will be my staff Embrace my pilgrimage But, We can’t go back… to that moment that touch and smell… I will miss this. I miss you already. I love that breeze that joke that movie that talk that time we reconciled that tea Soon… everything will change. I won’t get used to this sojourning But, isn’t it sweet? what we will be? no longer elect exiles just elect It makes me cry grief for the passing of this present death of this bright green leaf Yet even when it floats to the ground, dancing with memories, it looks beautiful it looks necessary Sojourner’s mourning the change of season makes me long for Home where everything will change.

Lord God I need a brainwash. Because for so long I’ve believed a lie, and it has kept me dieing inside. And outwardly most people think I’m a true worshipper and humble servant, But how long O Lord have I tried to hide behind good works, and The teaching of Your Word, and Long prayers heard, and By these very godly deeds I’ve tried to merit Your favor. It’s absurd. I’ve engaged in the practice of thinking I have a pure motive when I take repentance to be me Trying to make up for my sin And I know this sin is deeper than I realize, Because my eyes have shifted from the glorious cross…to my own performance. Thinking you only bless my life if I have been consistent in every kingdom discipline I know, And I know You are holy and these practices are important, But look how I’ve relied on these godly practices to keep me certain…You won’t condemn me To keep me certain…You will protect me To keep me certain I am certainly seen as righteous before Your eyes. But the only certainty I’ve found in trying to justify my life by my earnest effort, Is that sin abounds with a stronger grip in my life And I slip thinking You’ve failed me when I give into sin, And I leave each time with You feeling more condemned What is the root of this mess? Because I feel as though every kingdom discipline is a spinning plate I’ve placed on metal rods on a stage, And as I set one plate into motion, another plate crashes on the other side of the stage. And I run around worrying about my performance and perfection, And each crash brings a fresh wave…of guilt. Because I don’t study Your Word enough, My prayer list seems longer than a mile, I miss opportunities to share the gospel, And forgiving my offenders sometimes takes me a while. In fact, I can think of the grimiest, most foul sin I’ve committed, And this was after I became a Christian, And it wasn’t just once, but seasons of blatant disobedience. This sin makes me cringe, and I tremble at the thought of it being exposed… But this is what You’ve told me: The greatest sin I’ve ever committed was partaking in killing the Lord of Hosts. I was an active participant in hanging the only innocent One to live. His nails are in my pocket and my very sin sent Him to the most grueling death ever experienced. So the worst sin I thought I had done, is topped by my helping to murder God’s Son. So if the cross of Christ shows me I’m even worse than I thought, Then it also shows me that my sin has truly been forgiven by Christ’s finished work on the cross. Because He has bought my forgiveness, the atonement for my sins. He has declared me completely righteous before God because He’s substituted His perfect life for every single one of my sins: Past, future, present. Justification: my position of having Christ’s righteousness in God’s sight because of Christ’s atoning work on the cross, Means I’m either declared fully forgiven…or not at all. There’s no middle ground here, no gradual climbing the mountain of works to attain a position of perfection before God in order to gain His acceptance. It is only trusting in the finished work of Jesus Christ on the cross that His righteousness is imputed into my life. And as a result of His amazing work, He enters me into the process of being conformed Into the image of His Son, called sanctification. And as I’m being made righteous by God’s working within me, I begin to see His beauty And my life begins to reflect His character… But here’s the problem: I’ve become guilty of trying to make the process of my sanctification the grounds for justification. Like I could contribute to justification, Like I could smuggle character into His work of grace, What a slap in the face of the One who already died for my greed, jealousy, lust, and lies, To set aside His grace by trying to achieve righteousness by my own works, Which is basically saying that Christ died in vain. It’s basically trying to achieve self-atonement, Which really means I want to self-worship, bring glory to myself But in light of Your holiness, Lord, and in light of my sin, In light of what Christ has done on the cross, how He’s cleansed me within, How can I even try to achieve Your forgiveness and acceptance by my obedience? Salvation is by Your grace alone, through faith alone, in the finished work of Christ alone. Lord, help me to not forget the gospel. Don’t let me ever take my eyes off of the glorious wonder, The place where Your grace abounded more than my sin, Lord, keep my eyes on the cross. That I may draw from the wells of Your salvation, not my performance. And that I may experience continual joy in freedom from sin and My Redeemer, please, free me from legalism.

3. Dark is the stain that we cannot hide. What can avail to wash it away? Look! There is flowing a crimson tide, brighter than snow you may be today. Refrain: Grace, grace, God's grace, grace that will pardon and cleanse within; grace, grace, God's grace, grace that is greater than all our sin!

“Sing it to me again!” Daughter begged of her Abba, “that song you sing with loud shouts of glee a melody overflowing with your love for me, I must hear it again! while you hold me close to your chest where I can see near the sides of your eyes gleaming those creases revealing a permanent smile while I’m wrapped in garments you gave me, saying, ‘Beloved, these are the garbs I give to my kids —un-stainable spotless clean perfectly pleasing— I see you like this. My Firstborn, he labored to make these with his own hands. Come close, child, I’ll tell you how it happened just as I planned…” And you sing to me sing to me with joy burst into dance that glorious story Oh, it never gets old! Each time you retell it I get a new glimpse, and I know I don’t know the depth of its riches, but that’s what excites me so tell me it again until my heart is fully convinced this isn’t fiction, but real and really for me to take part in partake in its sustaining flavor specifically seasoned for a satiated soul like mine I have time, I have time! I will wait all the day just to hear you sing it over me. Sing it again, Daddy!” So Abba cleared his throat and exulted to repeat singing the story of the glorious, loving Warrior-King, her Daddy.

“For you formed my inward parts;
 you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works;
 my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you,
 when I was being made in secret,
 intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
 in your book were written, every one of them,
 the days that were formed for me,
 when as yet there was none of them.” I miss you, sweet niece, I never got to hold or see grow old. I lack certainty of when it became real for me but your picture, when at 7 months you came with your beautiful brown skin tiny body precious eyes remains in my mind And I love you more than I know how to express Psalm 139:13-16 my rest.

There is nothing better in this life than suffering with eyes fully fixed on Jesus— the author and finisher of our faith— Who suffered harder, and who in glory was then raised. That you might repent of all self-righteous claims to rights, and be cleansed of self-pity’s pride; And in your heart smile with joy inexpressible through the tears and lonely nights… Because God has enlightened your eyes, to see Him as the only true hope, And He strengthens your faith to trust Him, Until that Great Day… When you finally see hope’s substance.

First birth: shapen in iniquity Rebirth: by an imperishable seed God’s Word: the gospel that now enables me to live free from sin So, now my spoken word is just a reflection of His Word spoken to men whose glory and flesh fade away when God takes their breath The salvation His prophets had searched concerning dates, times, and how the Lord Jesus would suffer before gloriously, victoriously beating death somehow we find ourselves struggling comfortably uncomfortable with trial after trial testing and pressing, shaping and purifying our faith— greater than gold cuz even that passes away— And when we stand before His face we will receive the end of our faith: the salvation of our souls, So, now our sole goal is to give Him glory as we rejoice with joy inexpressible not in our current (circum)stances or happenings but in the fact that our inheritance is reserved in heaven kept by our true treasure: Yeshua the King That’s why it’s Jesus above everything for us Him at the center and not just in the mix whether it’s how we spend money, study, and especially in our relationships He’s the lifeline no more chasing deceitful lusts time to walk in truth mind girded, ready to race to the end Perseverance of the saints Christians are long-distance runners pressing on past our past ‘til we’re perfected at resurrection stripped of indwelling sin and given garments of righteousness so it’s no more distractions or pain just eternally savoring and embracing the Lamb of God who was slain for our sake what a wonderful fate what a beautiful walk what a glorious God who keeps us in the faith by His amazing grace ‘Till forever we’ll praise Your name! Let the saints sing melodies to the King standing firm, forever unashamed to worship Jesus, the only God who saves. This is the eternal saga of the saints.